The news of the diagnosis was incredibly sobering and sad, but the speed with which the disease moved was especially frightening. The “three-to-twelve months” they gave us ending up being a huge overestimate. Just one week after the diagnosis Scott was in hospice, and six days later he was gone. He was gone. From the day of the awful news on March 13 to his death on March 26, it was a mere thirteen days. No wonder I was shaking and needing to remind myself to keep breathing. I remember walking in our backyard woods during that time. All I could do was lift up my hands and say, “Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy.” No eloquent words, no lengthy appeal—just a simple cry for mercy and help.

I was comforted to know what it says in Psalm 34.18: “The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Graciously, He was near, and I was indeed held by “mercy arms.” During that period of time I would say over and over, clinging to the truth for dear life (while also reminding myself to breathe): “God is good…. It’s gonna be okay. God is good….It’s gonna be okay….” And when I couldn’t say that, I’d just lift up my hands and say, “Lord have mercy! Lord have mercy.”

Lord Have Mercy

When the darkness hides–all my hope inside,
When the tears I’ve cried—keep on falling.
When my soul is spent and the path seems bent,
Here at the end of me—Please hear me calling…..
Lord have mercy; Lord have mercy; Lord have mercy!

Though these words that cross my lips
Are few and so un-eloquent.
I can only hope, You can hear me pleading.
For I don’t know what to do
And I don’t know what to say.
But God I trust You hear my heart, even as I pray…..
Lord have mercy; Lord have mercy; Lord have mercy!

So I hold to Mercy Arms
Though the way the road is hard,
This truth, this love I must keep guarded.
Though I’m laden low with loss,
Though I bear a weeping cross,
I know You’re near the brokenhearted!
Lord have mercy; Lord have mercy; Lord have mercy!

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About 6 months after their dad’s passing, the boys got dressed up to go to a 50s party for our homeschool group.  I’m grateful for friends who helped us continue to be engaged in life and find joy in the simple things.