I had friends that gave me “boy breaks” so I could carve out time to grieve. With four boys who were 10, 8, 5, and 1½ years at the time of my husband’s passing, I desperately needed pockets of time to process this huge loss. One of the things I would do was seek refuge in the woods behind our house. One particular day, my heart was drenched in disbelief, pondering the imponderable. Yet, strangely, there was an undeniable sense of peace that washed over me like a gentle summer rain. Walking through the woods and meadow that day, I looked down to a carpet of clover on the ground. I looked closer and the first one I set my eyes on was a four-leaf clover. Yes, the first one I saw, a real four-leaf clover! Not quite believing it, I look back down to see if I had stumbled upon a field full of four-leaf clovers. But no, all the rest I saw were three, no other four-leaf ones around. Tears filled my eyes as I felt Him saying to my spirit, “It’s going to be okay. You are not alone; I will supply four-leaf clovers beyond measure.”

When I got back to the house, I took the clover and pressed it between the pages of my Bible, which I had opened randomly about 3/4 the way in. I was about to close my Bible when I stopped to read where it was opened—2 Corinthians 5, where the “earthly tent” is spoken of and how we “long to put off our earthly clothes and to put on our heavenly ones;” where we look forward to and anticipate leaving this life for the next. I needed that word, His word, to remind me that Scott was okay, more than okay. And I would be okay too. It was a sweet gift and reminder as He spoke to me through nature and His word. He does take care of me gently, carefully, and oh, so tenderly. I am utterly grateful. Although I wrote this song a few years before this loss, it came back as a comforting reminder that He is the One who gently, tenderly heals my hurting heart.

Tenderly

The One who made the daffodils sway in the open breeze,
The One who formed the oceans and the forests full of trees,
This One who knit together everything I’ve come to be,
He’s the One who knows this heart inside of me.
A heart that’s full of crying, bruised and torn apart,
Wounded and weary, but He knows just where to start.
He gently takes me in His arms and mends me with His smile.
He’s the healer of my soul and I’m His little child.

And tenderly, tenderly, tenderly He holds my hurting heart.
Gently oh so carefully, He heals and He mends each broken part.
Tenderly He holds my hurting heart.

The winds of life can be so harsh they can blow my world away,
Leaving me with questions yet no words left to say.
But somehow there is more to this life,
Than what my eyes can see.
So I will cling to my Jesus and trust His plan for me,
Cause I know how tenderly…

And though I’m made to wear this coat of sorrow for a time.
Lord help me say, “Not my way, not my will but Thine.”
For You are wise and wonderful, though I can’t quite understand.
All I know is that my Jesus holds me in His hand….so tenderly…

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Our first Christmas without Scott. It was a sweet time with the boys.  The Lord tenderly carried us through!